disclosure

A lot of my DNI criteria applies to plenty of other folks in our system and most of it should go without saying, but for the sake of clarity I'll go ahead and list them all here. Do not interact with me, under any circumstances and without exception, if you are:

• Anti-endogenic systems, otherkin, neopronouns, and/or self-diagnosis
• Racist, sexist, homo/transphobic, ableist, and/or antisemitic
• Radfem/transmed/etc.
• (NO)MAP/Paedophile, transID/transX, and/or radqueer*
• Pro-cop, guns, and/or life
• A Trump supporter in any way, shape, or form
• You refer to anything sexual as "sinful"**
• You think labels like pansexual, omnisexual, etc. are "biphobic"
• (Neo-)Nazi
• Ace/aro exclusionist
• DDLG/CGL***

* The term "(NO)MAP" stands for "non-offending minor-attracted person", which is essentially another term for paedophiles who think that their brand of paedophilia is acceptable/better because they're "non-offending", i.e. they claim they don't physically interact with minors. The terms "transID" and "transX" are synonymous and describe someone who does not have a certain characteristic, but wishes they did/identifies as having said characteristic, except these characteristics are things like disabilities, different ages (almost exclusively younger ages), or races. "Radqueer" is an umbrella term for people who support the aforementioned labels and more, like incest. I don't have any sympathy for nor any desire to welcome these types of people into my space.

** This is more about religious trauma for me, but calling sexual acts "sinful" or describing them as such, even and especially as an adjective in erotic literature attempting to denote a sort of lustful taboo, is extremely uncomfortable for me and I prefer to avoid it at all costs. From my perspective, the ascription of "sin" to sexuality is harmful to the view of sexuality as a whole because it can, in some cases (like mine), create a genuine sense of guilt and shame for having an interest in or participating in anything sexual, be that physically, mentally, or through writing. That's just my take on it, though.

*** I'm specifically referencing sexual forms of DDLG/CGL here (for those who don't know, it stands for "Dominant Daddy, Little Girl" and "Caregliver/Little", respectively). I am well aware of the existence of romantic relationships involving someone who age-regresses for non-sexual reasons and whose partner takes on the role of the caregiver to that person during those instances. In fact, we have two headmates who have that very kind of relationship. However, acts of DDLG/CGL in a sexual context is, in my mind, right up alongside paedophilia and I want nothing to do with it or anyone who partakes in it. And for the record, this also encompasses daddy/mommy kinks. Please just stay away from me.

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The following list contains my own, personal triggers and squicks alike, so these exclusively apply to me, but please keep in mind that I am almost always co-fronting even when another headmate is fronting or speaking through me, so unless that headmate says or confirms otherwise, please assume that these are always to be avoided:

• Suicide/self-harm (the occasional, lighthearted "kms" joke is fine, but telling someone else to "kys", even if joking, is not)
• 50 Shades of Grey (movie/book)
• The Nun (movie)
• IRL images of clowns, zombies, and/or excessive gore/body horror
• Weight-shaming (both ways)
• The R slur
• Discourse about Grelle's gender in Kuroshitsuji
• Calling me a "soft boy" or any other kind of phrase that implies I'm weak or delicate
• Insulting my intelligence, jokingly or otherwise, directly or indirectly

why i'm such a mess: an autobiography

My neurodivergencies include autism, ADHD, OCD, PTSD, anxiety, depression, and probably some other stuff I can’t remember right now. I’m self-diagnosed and not seeking any professional diagnoses on account of a fear of losing my autonomy and hindering other aspects of my financial and professional life and also a professional diagnosis simply does not matter to me. I know what my symptoms are and these are the labels that describe those symptoms best.

You can call me by any of my kintypes’ names and doubles are perfectly okay! I’m open to chatting about memories, general kin experiences, headcanons/theories about our sources, or whatever really! I just like talking about things I’m interested in generally, so make yourself comfortable in my inbox :)

I apologise in advance, but I don’t use tone indicators. They just confuse me and I can’t memorise all those acronyms (< boomer moment). It helps me a LOT more if you just clearly state the intent behind your message if you’re worried it might come across with a different connotation! I’m mostly pretty good at reading tone in situational context, but I’ll ask for clarification if I’m not sure.

I’m a digital artist and I write fanfiction, which you can also find on my personal website, seijaku! I crave engagement with my works <3 I go by Lucifer in non-kin spaces to keep my communities separate and avoid uncomfortable conversations and harassment.

Also! I forgot to put this here last time, too, but I hate to give up an opportunity to brag. I am in a polyamorous relationship with my headmates Katsuki, Issei, Tooru, and Ilya. Katsuki and Ilya are also together, and so are Tooru and Issei, but Katsuki and Ilya don't date Tooru and Issei. Our relationship is open, though, and we're very happy with how things are <3 If, for any reason whatsoever, you find yourself needing to refer to any of us in the context of our relationship outside of kin/system safe spaces, they have nicknames they go by, too. Katsuki goes by Kass, Ilya goes by Julian as normal, Issei goes by Isaac or Styx, and Tooru goes by Theo.

It would also be remiss of me not to mention my two wonderful, amazing, fantastic, awesome QPPs Kanesada and Kogitsunemaru. They have really been there for me through thick and thin and I don't know where I'd be without them <3

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stuff i'm into

• Anime, including but not limited to: Naruto, BNHA, Haikyuu!!, Pokemon, DGM, K Project, Sk8 the Infinity
• Also anime merchandise
• Fanart/fanfiction. If you didn't know
• Other fandoms like Homestuck/Hiveswap, Hazbin Hotel / Helluva Boss, The Walking Dead, Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit, and more!
• Games that fuel the Autism™ (Path of Titans, Century: Age of Ashes, Don’t Starve, Minecraft, Little Big Planet)
• Witchcraft / magic / spirituality
• Tarot
• Astrology
• Queer anarchism

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to whom it may concern

• shipcourse stance

The "antishipper" and "proshipper" debate is a more nuanced topic than chronically online spaces like Tumblr like to make it out to be. I see merit in both sides of the argument, but find that certain practices within fandom surrounding this topic to be more harmful than beneficial. I recommend reading this roundtable discussion in an editorial published by Philipp Dominik Keidl and Abby S. Waysdorf to the Organization for Transformative Works, who created Archive of Our Own.

What my take boils down to is this: ship and write what you want and don't ship or read what you don't want. That also means don't interact with things you don't like, meaning if you see someone posting about a ship you don't care for because of xyz reason, the easiest and simplest solution is to ignore it and remove yourself from that space. I don't care if someone is writing fanfic about an incest ship or romanticising a ship between two characters who are either canonically toxic to one another, or portrayed in fanwork as toxic to one another, or whatever the case may be.

A, I'm not out there looking for it and if I happen to stumble across it, it's very easy to close out of that window in my browser. B, if you are looking for something that falls under the "problematic" umbrella, cool, you do you. It's not my place or anyone else's to interrogate someone about their reasons for creating or looking for "problematic" content. It could be because they find it hot, or it could be a means to process trauma, and I'm not going to be the one to put myself in a position where I accuse someone of wrongdoing when it turns out they've suffered some horrific experience (which, by the way, nobody is obligated to disclose to you).

• pet names

I don’t like ‘em being used for me if we don’t know each other well, and even then I’m iffy on them. I especially don’t like being called "girl" or "queen" even in a gender neutral / queer context. Some informal nouns like "dude", "bestie", "homie", etc. are perfectly fine. Names like "your highness", "your majesty", "my lord", "king", "his dorkish eminence" are also all okay and highly encouraged :)

• teasing

I’m quite fond of playful teasing and using heavy sarcasm to convey a joke. Unintentional typoes and verbal flubs make me giggle. That said, if you do not like being teased in this way or any other way, please let me know! I personally do not like jokes or teasing aimed at my intelligence or manhood. However, I am fine with and think it’s funny being called a fool / foolish.

• venting

Please don’t vent to me or ask to vent to me. My empathy levels are practically nonexistant due to past experiences and the minute someone starts unloading on me I become mentally and emotionally drained. Generalizations of a bad day-to-day experience or just ranting about a sucky situation you’re in without any expectation of emotional comfort / reassurance is fine in moderation, but if you start venting to me about something that should probably be brought up in therapy, then I prefer that you save it for therapy instead.

• (self-)derogatory humour

Jokes that trivialise trauma, self-harm, or suicidal ideation make me really uncomfortable, e.g. "kms" / "kys", "I’m an idiot", etc. This kind of humour, while it may seem like a useful coping mechanism, only serves to reinforce those feelings and worsen the mental state in my experience.

• callout culture

Dude, I’m gonna be honest, I really just cannot be fucked to care about what tunglr dot hellsite user pissyourpants22 did to make you a little uncomfortable. I’m of the “curate your own online experience” opinion and just distance yourself from whatever it is you don’t like rather than actively trying to ruin The Internet™ for some rando you’ve probably never met. If that person is not actively and physically harming someone else, then don’t dox them, don’t send them anon hate or encourage a raid on their social media until they get shut out of everything, don’t stalk them and contact their place of business to get them fired—it’s really not that deep. Relax. Drink some water and have a kip and maybe you won’t be so cranky.

frequently asked questions that nobody asked (i made them up)

• Endogenic systems are fake / actually have repressed traumatic origins!

That’s not a question and also you’re wrong. Next.

• What are your thoughts on Tulpamancy?

In short: Western contemporary Tulpamancy is wholly separated from any Tibetan Buddhist practice that has been conflated with the term. For a more detailed explanation behind my stance on this, check out this research note, Tracking the Tulpa, written by Natasha L. Mikles and Joseph P. Laycock, professors of philosophy at Texas State University.

• Why do you support self-diagnoses?

Primarily because of the inherent risk that comes with receiving a professional diagnosis for various kinds of disorders that could consign someone otherwise perfectly capable of remaining autonomous to a life stripped of personal liberties. Additionally, it is sometimes exceptionally difficult for AMAB and AFAB people to obtain certain diagnoses due to the rampant sexism in the health care system that refuses accurate diagnosis strictly based on sex; as well as the fact that health care in general is widely out of financial scope for many people and trying to see a doctor or mental health professional could take a severe financial toll on many people. There are many resources available to research one’s own symptoms in order to find other resources and methods to cope and / or mitigate those symptoms, regardless of whether or not a self-diagnosis is wholly correct.

• Can I ask you questions about your kintypes / plurality / experiences?

Absolutely, as long as you remain respectful and sincere in your curiosity! I love talking about myself.

• Can I ask for your opinion on my own experiences / questioning?

You may, but please remember my answer will only be my opinion based on my observations of the information you provide to me and maybe occasionally accompanied by links to other resources to check out if I can find any. Take my responses to these kinds of questions with a grain of salt, and always look for ways to continue to explore your experiences on your own in a way that helps you understand them!

• Why do you call yourself homoflexible instead of bisexual? Isn’t that bi-erasure?

Depending on how you look at it, homoflexibility can indeed be viewed as a subset of bisexuality. Personally, however, I don’t identify with the bisexual label and find that homoflexible more accurately describes my relationship with my own sexuality. My primary form of attraction, both romantically and sexually, is with regards to men and masc-aligned people, and only very rarely and situationally do I find myself attracted in these ways to women or fem-aligned people. These instances feel more like “exceptions” to me rather than a facet of my sexuality that’s predisposed toward them, which is why “flexible” resonates more with me than being attracted to multiple genders.

• Can you speak any other languages?

少し！私はならうデュオリンゴ事によってにほんご！
(A little bit! I’m learning Japanese with Duolingo!)

• What are your otherkintypes?

Dragonkin, perytonkin, and daemonkin! I go into more detail about my experiences with these kintypes in the "otherkin" tab up top!

• When / How did you find out you were otherkin?

I’ve known about my otherkintypes since freshman year of high school when a friend introduced me to the concept of otherkin in the first place. She didn’t really provide much of an explanation for it beyond just “feeling” like some kind of creature, so I didn’t have much to go on, but as I started contemplating it more and more, gradually my soul and psyche began to take shape in my mind’s eye almost as if two separate beings, like my own personal Yin and Yang. As far as my history with fictionkin, I didn’t discover that until a couple years later when I realised that a lot of what I had been dumping into what came to me as a Homestuck OC at the time felt a lot like personal experience despite never enduring those things before. Ideas and “headcanons” began to play out more like memories and when I wrote in things to fill in certain gaps, I would eventually come back and alter those details when the “right” version came to me. This gradually started happening more and more often with new kinds of media until I just had to acknowledge the fact that these thoughts and feelings were far too involved to be just creative imagination.

• What does it mean to question a kintype? (I.E. “Kinsidering”)

In my experience, questioning a kintype is to be in that grey area of “Do I actually remember having experiences as [insert character] or is the vibe just that strong?” This can be a tricky time since it’s way too easy to convince yourself of a kintype due to confirmation bias, so I always take steps to meditate on why I feel so connected to a certain character when that feeling arises and interact with stimuli that could potentially trigger a memory (foods or activities associated with that character, gauging my active or passive interest in that character’s interests, etc.). Sometimes the answer comes to me in innocuous ways such as lying in bed when a flurry of memories suddenly bombard me.

• Why do you believe you lived past lives as fictional characters?

I’m a firm believer of the Multiverse Theory and specifically to the "Ultimate Multiverse" classification, which posits that any and every set of circumstances has existed, does exist, or will exist in an ever-expanding multiverse, ad infinitum. For further reading about the different levels of parallel universes, I would suggest this publication by Max Tegmark, a physicist at Michigan Institute of Technology. My belief is that, in a multiverse of infinite possibility, therein also lies universes brought into existence by the simple act of imagining them, or vice versa—universes that already existed before they were introduced to us in the form of fictional media.

memories

I have a non-insignificant number of fictionkintypes, so you'll want to head on over to my kin sisasystem page to peruse through my different timelines :)

otherkin

• dragonkin

On every level except physical, I am a dragon. While this feeling does take shape as a literal dragon in my mind’s eye, my identity as a dragon is primarily one made of experiences and predispositions one might consider “dragon-like”. For example, I’m very prideful in my sense of self and sometimes lash out when my reputation is questioned or threatened. I like to hoard things that bring me comfort or that I find pretty enough to decorate myself or my lair with.

I’ve always had the urge to fly; just to take off from the ground or launch into the sky from a high place, and I’ve dreamt of doing this many times. I consider myself to be cold-blooded considering I have a difficult time regulating my own body temperature and will literally sit in the sun specifically to soak up the heat.

I’ve had a connection with dragons for as long as I can remember, quite frankly. I’ve felt a kinship with them ever since I was a small child and often imagined myself as one when I would play pretend. There have been times when I’ve forgotten the structure of my own body and moved as if I had the characteristics of a dragon. For these reasons, I would say that this kintype is perhaps the strongest of the three, as it has been a constant in my life.

• perytonkin

For those who don’t know, the peryton is a mythical creature possessing characteristics of both a bird and a stag. For me, this takes the form of a stag’s head and body with scaled hind legs and talons and hooved forelegs, a large pair of feathered wings, and a trailing, feathery tail. My connection with the peryton is primarily spiritual in the sense that it feels as though my soul takes the shape of this creature, rather than an identity as the creature itself. Sort of like an inner avatar, as though if I were to astral project onto a spiritual plane, I would appear as a peryton rather than a human, or dragon for that matter.

• daemonkin

Now, how to describe this one... Maybe it’s a kintype that developed in response to my religious trauma, or maybe it’s just in-line with the running theme of my evil, depraved, and/or godless kintypes—whatever the case may be, I can’t help but feel this daemonic energy inside me (and no, I’m not talking about our Sebastian soulbond). It feels infernal, but it’s not exactly tied to the concept of the Christian Hell, so to speak, though there do seem to be some similarities.

I can envision myself as a daemon quite easily, as if I could look in the mirror and meet the damned eyes of an infernal entity instead of my own. It’s almost divine in nature, which seems contradictory, yet feels just as appropriate. this kintype is less of something that I know I am and more like a feeling crawling just underneath my skin. A form of possession, perhaps? Who’s to say for sure.